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Charles Deluvio courtesy of Unsplash

How would you feel if your doctor sat across from you after you came to the ER in an ambulance with COVID symptoms and said, “I don’t have a plan YET. But I will. And you will see it’s a very good plan.”

That’s what my doctor said, anyway. And I’m like, am I gonna live or not, man?

To which he says as his hands play an accordion, a mocking song, “You will be great. You will live a long life. You’re very young. Only the old die.”

So what’s the plan, bro?

His accordion inflates, “It will be a very good plan. I don’t have one yet. …


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Image provided by Pixabay

Pass. Pass. Considering a like. Pass. Oh, he plays in Jeff Goldblum’s band? Pass.

I click the x or the star next to each guys’ profile. None of them intrigue me––the men. Even the ones that are confident enough to leave a message. It’s usually something profound like: “Hey Ashley. What are you doing tonight?”

My favorites, though: “You look like a serial killer. Asesual––are you into girls?”

There aren’t any timestamps on the messages, which doesn’t provoke a sense of urgency. I don’t have to answer, and I don’t want to. So I don’t. Instead, I read them for comedic fuel, something to talk about with my friends as we walk around the city. OkCupid, Bumble, The League, and Tinder. I’ve gone through multiple rounds––with the apps at least. …


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Image by Johnny Linder from Pixabay. (Woman clutching a book in a library, surrounded by clouds of stress and floating books.)

There is no greater gift than empowering a student to use their voice. Students are autonomous humans capable of providing a unique understanding about the world around them, and more immediately, their communities. Each semester, I guide them, as best as I can, to understanding the complexities of the world and its various discourses through literary theory — one of my passions. However, students are hesitant in engaging in the work required of them. Of course, they do not say this directly, but through the medium of the infamous site: Rate My Professor (RMP).

Educator friends of mine are quick to remind me to ignore the comments. But of course, as a someone who teaches rhetorical analysis and strategies on a daily basis, I am always up for a debate. Not to necessarily to win, but like my students, to investigate and understand the motivation behind writing shitty, discriminatory, and biased reviews that do nothing but slander the professor. …


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Photo by Jonathan Daniels from Unsplash

Every semester, aside from asking my students how old they think I am based on appearances (the medium age-guess is 24), I ask them if they think I lead a financially rich life. Most of them have an idea of what a professor’s lifestyle encompasses: large mansions, a room dedicated to books with worn binding, a closet full of pantsuits and high heels, and a passport filled with stamps from foreign countries.

That description is right––according to shows like Showtime’s Shameless, which is a show I am quite a fan of, save for a few of its problematic characters. Lip Gallagher’s professor, Helene, fits the stereotypical academic––sexy, articulate, and attracted to young men. …


Eyeshadows were never my thing. My naturally, oily lids made cream and powdered shadows crease. Now in my 30s, I’ve returned to the world of eye makeup, and own a few palettes that make application quick and easy. Two colors––one for the lid, and the other for the crease and corner––a fluffy brush, and I’m out the door and on time for work.

A package from Glossier arrived on my front door just a few moments ago. As a Glossier Rep, we sometimes get insight on new products. …

About

Ashley Jean Granillo

Author and Adjunct English Professor. Coffee and Waffle Enthusiast.

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